I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
