I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your penis caused this!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
