just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
