ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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