so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
