U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
