Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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