i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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