So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
