So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
