we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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