i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
