I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
