We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
