if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
