Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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