Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
