I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
