Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
