Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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