I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
