Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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