May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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