Don't make out with my wife yet
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
