I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
