first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
