Umm I'm too high to move.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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