I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
