yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
