Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
