I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
