I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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