So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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