he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
