just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
