i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
