I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
