I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
