i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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