I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I touched a dick in church today
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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