he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
