hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize