I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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