More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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