I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
