I love black thongs
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
