It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do herpes really smell.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
