Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
