And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
