saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
