Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
