and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
