if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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