As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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