he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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