I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
