he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
