how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
