there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
