My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
