Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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