It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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