were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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