In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
