So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
His nipple licking is glorious
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