is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize