Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
